Think Alike
by Taliya
Summary: -Oneshot- When Major General Hakuro all but demands that the Fullmetal Alchemist be transferred to his command, Roy is powerless to object. Luckily for him, Edward has no intention of transferring units and resolves the issue without Roy's input. No spoilers, rated for Ed's mouth.


Fullmetal Alchemist characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Arakawa Hiromu.

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Think Alike

By Taliya

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He dearly wished he could rub his temples to relieve the headache pounding behind his eyeballs, but it would have been extremely rude to do so. Not to mention insulting to the pompous moron who outranked him and currently sat across his desk in the visitors' couch to his right. Instead, he kept his face bland and detached, without a hint of the agony he felt, consciously working to keep his eyes from glazing over as the man continued to justify his case. It was a perfect example of his flawless self-control that his eyebrow had not twitched once in aggravation from the idiot before him.

"… he would be a good match with my team. He would be closer to Central, where access to missions all over the country would be easier for him travel-wise, and I too, wish for him to develop both in his career as a State Alchemist and as a man. That is why I believe he should come with me."

"Hakuro-Shoushou," he said after the man had finished his longwinded monologue, "while I appreciate your concern for my subordinate, I believe that with my team here he has the chance to develop as you say. But in addition to that, here he is closer to home, friends, and family, as well as his automail mechanic. He is still young, feisty, disrespectful, and does not take well to orders. He regularly insults me both professionally and personally, routinely flaunts various rules and regulations, and swears more colorfully than men three times his age. In addition, despite the fact that he completes his missions, he always returns with staggering property damage bills and exorbitant medical and automail bills. I've had to regularly contact the treasury department, lobbying them to increase my budget to accommodate the little ingrate's disasters. I'm not sure someone of your rank would appreciate the blatant disrespect I receive with each encounter."

Shrewd eyes watched him. "Mustang-Taisa, if he causes you so much headache, why are you not eager to foist the lad onto someone else?"

Mustang grit his teeth in annoyance. He could not tell the man of the circumstances that had led to the elder Elric boy into becoming the Fullmetal Alchemist; it was an instant death sentence for both of the youths, as well as himself for covering for them. Not to mention the unofficial mission of searching for the means of creating the Philosopher's Stone to regain their bodies. But he had to give a plausible explanation of why it was better to keep the kid under his command, and so he turned to a truth—just really, _really_ stretched out truth. "During Hagaren's two year tenure as my subordinate, we've managed to come to a tenuous understanding. I've already admitted that he is difficult to work with under the best circumstances, and building that relationship with him was no easy feat. It took a lot of time and effort on my part to get him to even partially follow my orders. Even then, he is still a civilian contractor, having not gone through the Academy, and therefore he has a large say in where and who he chooses to work with."

"I'm sure I can convince him," Hakuro said confidently. If he wants a pay raise, I'm sure my department will manage. A promotion in the ranks would not hurt either. He is undoubtedly a smart lad, I'm sure he'll see sense soon enough."

It was clear to Mustang that Hakuro had every intention of overriding any of his objections by going over his head to get Hagaren under his control, and he was, despite his own prestigious rank, powerless to stop it. Even so, he had to continue to object, more for the boy's safety at this point than for his own personal gain. He opened his mouth to reply but was cut off as the door to his inner office burst open. The double doors bounced off the walls with a crash and wobbled on their hinges as the unannounced guest lowered his leg, which he had used to open the doors. He glowered, wordlessly proclaiming to all the sourness of his current disposition. The visitor immediately began creating a ruckus.

"I have no idea why the fuck you sent me to that backwater pit of a town to deal with a broken bridge and ended up settling a land dispute," he snapped, waving a creased sheaf of bound paper in his hand and completely ignoring the other guest in his presence. He slammed the document onto the desk before storming off to the side. "A fucking _land_ dispute! It was a complete waste of my time! I spent three minutes fixing that shitty wooden bridge and an _entire_ fucking afternoon listening to these two idiots' objections against each other with the whole fucking town of _sixty-seven_ people in total chipping in their two cenz' worth! I could have been back in Central yesterday but _no_," he snarled, drawing out the single negative syllable, "they wanted an official representative of the government to oversee their dispute! The damn hotel they put me in had horrible beds, the room smelled funny, and it had a barely functioning bathroom! What shitty hotel doesn't have—"

Even if he tried, he wouldn't have been able to get in a word edgewise, not when the kid was on a full-blown rant. As a result of experience, he simply leaned back in his chair, folded his arms over his chest, and watched the blond-haired teen clad in black and crimson stalk back and forth to the left of his desk as he waited for the boy's tirade to conclude, though he did raise his brows at the sheer amount of profanity lacing his vitriolic diatribe today. There was near constant, very animated arm-flailing punctuated by guttural snarls and even droplets of flying spittle. His eyes darted to the major general, who initially had intended to scold the youth for his rudeness but likewise had been unable to get in a word. Now he sat on the couch, eyes wide with incredulity and indignation as they followed the pacing teen as his subordinate continued to outline a grievance of every minutiae involved in his mission.

"—and then somehow I'm involved in determining whose damned cow is whose, and I have no fucking clue how cows even came into the conversation! Then suddenly each of the sixty-seven townspeople are involved in the land dispute and arguing about _cows_. I got so fucking fed up with _all_ of the townspeople trying to swindle each other of a cow that I separated them by transmuting individual cages for them! Only when they stopped bickering did I let them out. Then they had the fucking _gall_ to try to turn on me, coming at me with pitchforks and hoes. Tch, like they were a match for _me_. I settled the dispute by transmuting all their houses into squares of land proportional to their wealth and left. Again, why did you send me on such a pointless, fucking _shitty_ assignment?"

Finished with his lengthy declamation, he stared bright gold eyes at his commanding officer for a moment, breathing heavily with a deep scowl. His eyes cut across to the stunned elderly man sitting in the visitor's couch, his gaze briefly picking out the stars and bars on his uniform before dismissing them. "Who the fuck are you?" the blond youth barked with a glare.

The man sputtered indignantly, and so Mustang smoothly inserted himself into the conversation to avoid his charge's probable court marshal. "Hagaren," he said with practiced patience, his tone earning yet another glare from his subordinate, "the gentleman before you is Hakuro-Shoushou from New Optain." He gestured with a lazy sweep of his hand towards the steel-haired, clean-shaven man. "Hakuro-Shoushou," he said indicating the scowling blond, "Edward Elric, better known as Hagane no Renkinjutsushi."

Hakuro blinked and frowned. "This little _boy_ is Hagane no Renkinjutsushi?" he asked incredulously.

Mustang closed his eyes in exasperation and sorely resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose as the inevitable explosion erupted. As it was, he barely managed to snag the kid's hood in order to restrain him from physically maiming the dumbfounded major general.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PEA-SIZED RUNT?" the small blond boy roared, fists flailing in the air as he thrashed against Mustang's grip on his coat. "LEMME GO, BASTARD! I'LL SHOW THAT FUCKER WHO'S THE RUNT!"

Mustang reeled him in and swiftly restrained him with an arm, then two around the boy, pinioning the younger Alchemist's arms to his side. "Peace, Hagaren," he said, grunting as he struggled against the snarling Edward pressed against his chest. "Calm yourself." Over the continued, vehement string of threats spouted by his subordinate, Mustang glanced at the older man and said blandly, "My apologies for—"

Hakuro was out of the chair as though a shot had been blasted into his butt cheek. He cut across the room for the door, rapidly backpedaling as he hurriedly said, "On second thought, you are right, Mustang-Taisa, I'm not sure I need this sort of stress, and I most definitely will not tolerate such blatant disrespect. Good day to you." He darted through the door and positively fled the outer office, leaving behind the rest of Mustang's officers and one suit of armor chuckling at the speed of his retreat.

The blond Alchemist immediately ceased struggling, and Mustang released him with a raised brow. The blond stared at the two open sets of doors with a flat, distinctly unimpressed glower, his arms crossed over his chest as he scoffed. "Good riddance," he muttered under his breath, and Mustang fought the urge to chuckle.

"Hagaren," he said once he had full control of his facial features. His subordinate turned to face him. "I do believe your post-mission oral report was more… colorful… than usual," he commented as he reclaimed his seat, resting his folded hands under his chin, elbows propped on the armrests. An involuntary twitch of his lips gave him away.

The blond smirked toothily. "How was I to know how easily offended he was? I was only trying to emphasize my frustration with the mission. It's not my fault he's so thin skinned."

Mustang cocked his head slightly. "I do not recall sending you on any sort of mission to resolve a land dispute, though I am sure I sent you out for a simple bridge repair." An eyebrow quirked upwards in curiosity. "How did you get dragged into settling a land dispute anyhow?"

Edward shrugged. "Hell if I know," he said. "The hotel wasn't as bad as I made it out to be, and the townspeople were actually rather nice. They just wanted a second opinion on how the dispute should be settled."

The colonel chuckled. "I see. So I take it you eavesdropped onto Hakuro-Shoushou's conversation with me?"

"Didn't have to," Edward replied with a scoff. "Havoc- and Breda-Shoui told me why that old man showed up. As though I would want to be transferred. Who else would I be able to shit talk to?"

"It's nice to hear how highly you think of me," Mustang said dryly as he reached for the report that Edward had slammed on his desk earlier. "Was there anything else that you needed, Hagaren?"

"No," his youngest subordinate said casually, heading for the outer office where his younger brother waited. "Just needed to drop that off." He threw a shark-like grin over his shoulder. "Pissing off the old man was just a bonus," he added, then swept out of the inner office. He bid his fellow officers farewell and left, Alphonse dutifully trailing him.

Mustang watched the two youths disappear as they turned out of the doorway. Inwardly he was both pleased and humbled by Edward's confession. True, his and Hagaren's relationship was rocky and full of insults and irritated words, but at the base of it all was a trust that Roy would watch the Elrics' backs and give them all the help he could provide in their quest to regain their bodies. The colonel smiled slightly, understanding that Edward would never willingly leave his command until he had completed the reason he joined the ranks of State Alchemists, and he could not help but feel proud that he had fostered such trust that was returned by the wary elder brother. "Shit talk indeed," he murmured to himself as he began to peruse the documents presented to him by Hawkeye.

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Shoushou – Major General

Taisa – Colonel

Hagaren – Roy's abbreviation of Edward's full title, "Hagane no Renkinjutsushi" – Fullmetal Alchemist

Hagane no Renkinjutsushi – Fullmetal Achemist, although technically "Hagane" translates to "Steel"

Shoui – Second Lieutenant

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Author's Note: Decided to try my hand at a little humor. I once read a fanfic that was based off this very idea, but unfortunately have not been able to find it again, so if you know what fanfic I am referring to, this is definitely inspired by it. I can't help but giggle imagining Ed ranting and essentially foaming at the mouth. And I like writing about the underlying trust Roy and Ed have, despite the rough exterior. I hope you enjoyed it.

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Completed: 15.02.2014


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